MY looks, apparently. through online dating it's come to my attention that people have trouble translating the 2D version of me into 3D. my first clue was when a friend of a friend messaged me as though I was a stranger. i didn't think anything of it because I can't even remember if we were formally introduced, but then a few more awkward encounters confirmed my suspicions...
Case 1 - makeout fanatic
on OKCupid I noticed that a dashing young man had viewed my profile, and naturally returned the favor by checking him out. that night, I head to Pour House on Polk to meet some friends. the moment i walk in, I notice that the same dude I saw online is literally sitting across the horseshoe-shaped table from me, madly making out with some girl that I assume he was on an OKCupid date with. arms on legs, mouth on mouth.. i mean, loads of PDA. at one point when he came up for air, there was a brief moment of eye contact, and what I assumed to be a look of awkward recognition.
next day in my inbox there is a message from mr. makeout: "you mentioned you like to go out on Polk in your profile - I wonder if I've seen you before? Where do you like to go?"
are you serious?! so I respond: "Pour House on Friday nights at 11pm, and I sit at the U-shaped table right by the window. On an unrelated note, don't you hate it when people make out in public?"
just kidding...I decided to spare him the embarrassment in case I ever see him again.
Case 2 - tennis fanatic
i received an extremely long message from someone with a blank profile - no info, no pics. the message got pretty personal about why he thought we were a good match and what he was looking for in his life. he sounded like a decent, though boring, individual, so when I saw the facebook link he included for photos, I obliged. imagine my surprise to see a friend from school who i had hung out with several times, and had even strung my tennis racket for me. now imagine the awkward conversation that followed...yea.
Case 1 - makeout fanatic
on OKCupid I noticed that a dashing young man had viewed my profile, and naturally returned the favor by checking him out. that night, I head to Pour House on Polk to meet some friends. the moment i walk in, I notice that the same dude I saw online is literally sitting across the horseshoe-shaped table from me, madly making out with some girl that I assume he was on an OKCupid date with. arms on legs, mouth on mouth.. i mean, loads of PDA. at one point when he came up for air, there was a brief moment of eye contact, and what I assumed to be a look of awkward recognition.
next day in my inbox there is a message from mr. makeout: "you mentioned you like to go out on Polk in your profile - I wonder if I've seen you before? Where do you like to go?"
are you serious?! so I respond: "Pour House on Friday nights at 11pm, and I sit at the U-shaped table right by the window. On an unrelated note, don't you hate it when people make out in public?"
just kidding...I decided to spare him the embarrassment in case I ever see him again.
Case 2 - tennis fanatic
i received an extremely long message from someone with a blank profile - no info, no pics. the message got pretty personal about why he thought we were a good match and what he was looking for in his life. he sounded like a decent, though boring, individual, so when I saw the facebook link he included for photos, I obliged. imagine my surprise to see a friend from school who i had hung out with several times, and had even strung my tennis racket for me. now imagine the awkward conversation that followed...yea.
so in a quest to make the 3D version of me reconcile in 2D, I asked my mom to help me choose my profile pictures. i showed her loads of photogenic contenders, and to each picture she said "doesn't look like you because... your chin is too pointy, you look like angelina jolie (!?!?!), your head is tilted in a way you don't usually tilt your head....."
Fine. so be it. i guess the boys will just be in for a surprise.
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| if this were my profile picture it would be more understandable... |
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