delta SUCKS

Today I am drunk-blogging from a height of at least 10,000 feet up in the air… oh the wonders of plane wifi!! Why am I drunk? well, the pilot of this shitty DELTA flight apparently was “stuck in traffic” (I bet he was really just with some girl..I saw him when he walked by, he was cute. traffic is everyone’s excuse for a quickie on the job) which resulted in a TWO HOUR flight delay – and let’s just say I am sitting in first class where the alcohol is free, and I had to pass the time somehow. And how I ended up in first class, I still don’t know. Also since I’m flying back from the South, I wonder – if I grew up here, would I be into black men???

Anyways…….

I had written something about flying at an earlier time when I was sober, since I contribute my fair share of being up in the air. I can’t really write anything cohesive now, so I’m just going to copy that here. It’s probably less entertaining than my drunk blogging, but more insightful at least.

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Hooray for wasting life in planes. Then again, airports and planes always bring so much promise… dapper young traveling business men… any of whom I could be sitting next to… Annnnnd that promise subsides when I see that my seat is snug between an old dude and a fat guy, and both have taken the liberty to use my shared arm rests. Score.

I’m flying Delta, which means that I chose my seat blindly with no preview to my seatmates. Flying Southwest is a different story. Your seat choice is based on impulse when you get on the plane…so that empty seat next to the cute guy – it’s yours. There is a reason why we LUV Southwest.

I, however, have had the unfortunate fate of flying so much that I am A-list status on Southwest. Since I’m always one of the first people on the plane, I face one of two dilemmas:

1. Cute guys haven’t boarded the plane yet, so I don’t get to choose them, they have to choose me. This scenario usually results in loss of self-esteem. 
2. Cute guys have boarded the plane, but with the abundance of aisle and window seats, my agenda becomes way too obvious if I choose the middle seat next to them. Really, how could I justify riding bitch? 

There are clearly a few solutions here – either I could get hotter (simple) or I could forfeit my A-list status (yea right! that bin space is mine, bitch) – but the easiest solution would be for ALL cute guys to sit in the middle seats.

So: If you’re cute, sit in the middle, so I don’t have to choose between you and the window seat - because the window will always win. What’s in it for you? You get to DOUBLE your chances of sitting next to hot girls…….or old dudes and fat men. ;)

view from my window, reminds me of my favorite postal service song -
Everything looks perfect from far away
"Come down now", but we'll stay

-- such great heights