a week of potential non-boyfriends

last week was kindaaa an exciting week.  I felt a spark with not one, not two, but three new boys - either in conversation or on the dance floor. unfortunately, they all fell into the PNB (potential non-boyfriend) category, for various reasons:

PNB #1:  Met on Friday at a start up party. cute, tall, engineer...and 3 years my junior. called me the next day and asked me to dinner, but also called me a puma at some point in the conversation.

PNB #2: Met on Tuesday in the laundry room - a new neighbor, that is. there's undeniable chemistry between us, and I'm impressed by his artistic talents and sense of humor. but then there's also the kid he had out of wedlock who lives somewhere on the east coast...

PNB #3: Met on Thursday at an alumni networking event. Aerospace engineer, currently in business school...with a couple months of legit modeling on the side. Perfect, you say? Yes, he is. and that's exactly why he's a PNB. in the few hours we were standing in that corner chatting away, i noticed the dirty glares of many girls who were waiting their turn (which never came ;). any guy who has girls chasing after him at a networking event would make an awful boyfriend...not to mention he had a severe case of wanderlust. 

aaand I think I just meet PNB #4...over the phone. I had a "phone date" with someone from OK Cupid tonight. I really thought his voice would be deeper, but he turned out sounding like one of my friends who I feel absolutely no attraction to whatsoever...

well, I still have hope that I'll be blogging about PBs soon enough...

i might think twice about carrying this bag around...at least to start-up parties

in the dataset

i find this incredibly interesting: oktrends' new blog post, 10 charts about sex.  quite hilarious, and even more interesting now that I'm on OkCupid and officially represented by those dots.

the line graph under Chart 2 is insightful in a disturbing way, but Chart 9 is my favorite. just ask a potential beau where he went to school and you'll know how many times a week you gotta romp in the sheets to make him happy. good stuff.

worst online dating messages, volume 1

It's been just about a month since I started my adventure in the online dating world.  as expected, the quality of men has not been great since okcupid is equally accessible to everyone (aka free).  I haven't had much time to actively seek out my soul mate, but I have received a number of messages which have provided for quality entertainment these last few weeks.

so for your reading pleasure, I present a sampling of the worst okcupid messages I've received to date.

MARCH 20: trying too hard to match my interests.  ALL of them. 

So you an expert on flute, but not one on memory? It happens... so what type of business do you do?

[chaitea: wtf?! talk about non sequitur]

Like you, I am here to meet new people and see where it can go. I do P90x, so that counts for active doesn't it? But right, I'm resting after a night of P90x, so that's vegging. I don't play tennis well, but I have a racket and can play with you if needed. It's up to you to determine if I'm nerdy enough, funny, and interesting as it's all subjective.

[chaitea: in my profile I say I want to meet someone with an active lifestyle (bonus points for tennis) who also knows how to veg out.  even if you didn't know that this message is awkward as shit]

MARCH 28: just plain freaking creepy
I'd like to make you laugh so I could hear you.

APRIL 8: taking the joke a liiittle too far 

I like suns too. Although I keep my distance. One time a sun tried to hug me, but not wanting to burst into flames I told it to stay away. Our relationship has been strained ever since. I hope you don't get BURNED as I have. (Sorry, couldn't resist :-/)
[chaitea: you really should have]

the good news is, yes I have been on a date from this thing, and it went fine.  the guy was normal, the date was normal, the chemistry level was... normal.  the only thing I gained was a new dealbreaker: just say no to the male cartilage piercing.

maybe I should just dump online dating and meet guys at sports basement instead.

can't wait to read the hilarity that comes in next

benchmarking

today's topic of debate: "what qualifies as a slut?"

clearly, a bit of benchmarking is in order to understand when you surpass the "average" number of partners and start crossing the line into slut-dom.

one quick google search later, I've got articles, research papers, and some sex institute all offering up their definition of what's slutty. and then I found this nifty little invention: the Average Number Of Sexual Partners Calculator. lol. well, better to know sooner rather than later, that's for sure - and if you're too lazy to calculate, the average number of partners for US women is 6.6.

but really...is it just me or does that number seem incredibly low? the calculator doesn't account for city, and I would bet that the average is way higher in San Francisco, which consistently ranks within the top 10 of "best cities for singles". clearly all those small hick towns where people marry their high school sweethearts are lowering the bar for everyone else's slut criteria. and I'm not the only one who thinks the academic research is confounded, these other 20-somethings also beg to differ.

the irony of revenge

aside from my family, there are three people who made me who I am today.

there was lilac, my best friend in elementary and junior high who broke me out of my shy-girl shell. i followed as she ran around barefoot on the hot summer cement, went skinny dipping in the neighbor's pool, and chased boys (literally) at recess.

there was jasper, the first guy who really crushed me and taught me that romance has a lot more shades of grey than what existed in my naive spectrum. after that I decided to spare myself the pain and remove the emotional from physical, and take a kiss as a kiss knowing that tomorrow it would be nothing more than that.

and then there was earl grey. let's just say that chai tea is to earl grey as carrie is to big. i learned that "making love" and "having sex" are in fact not synonyms - but after our relationship ran its course, i reverted back to my post-jasper self.

it's been a while, but I saw jasper yesterday. we ended up dancing together for old times sake, then losing our friends and walking to his place to call a cab. all the while I was thinking to myself how odd it was that I am no longer attracted to this person who once had so much power over me, and how obvious all the reasons are that we weren't right before. yet all the while I still let him make excuses for not calling a cab...until this morning.

i'm sure it was no more than alcohol mixed with bad judgment, but perhaps in some twisted way it was like my revenge.  like saying: look at what you've made me, you can't hurt me anymore...though what I gave up was a lot more than I should have for the objective of revenge. so as I grabbed my things and bolted out the door this morning, I hoped with all my heart he was chilled - hurt, even - by my obvious detachment.

at this point I know you're thinking I'm an idiot. I know I'm not doing myself or womankind any favors by adopting the non-committal carefree male mindset - in fact, it's actions like mine that encourage guys to continue their playing ways. even I am shocked at how the false sense of comfort of lying in jasper's arms didn't faze me at all, when usually around 7am my conscience would start kicking my ass.

with the bittersweet taste of revenge on my tongue, i know that i need to get a new cup of earl grey asap.

romance...now a faded memory