pinching myself

I just got back from Africa. no, actually I got back over a week ago, but I think I've been in denial. it's been hard reconciling this reality with that reality, knowing that both exist.

contributing to the sense of fantasy: one romantic night spent walking the beaches of Zanzibar, one of the most gorgeous places in the world. throw a really cute Zanzibarian boy into the mix...how surreal it is to be walking under the moonlight, holding hands with a stranger, wishing that this night could last a little longer knowing that we might not get tomorrow...

after we parted I thought about how simple life could be. this boy thought in the short hours that he knew me, that I was the one he had been waiting for, said he would miss me dearly and that age was just a number (he was two years younger...seeing a trend?) - to me he was nothing more than an exciting twist to my vacation. more than once I've thought about sending him a letter, but I don't think I could handle merging reality with fantasy.

and yes, reality is finally setting in.

reality check #1: the Folgers verdict has unfolded more quickly than I expected.  add to that list of Cons: foot-in-mouth syndrome, obnoxious and immature once he gets to know you, smokes, and probably has ADD. neeext.

reality check #2: admist the zillions of daily coupon emails, I found this little gem from Breve today: "i was serious about wanting to stay friends, do you want to get lunch?" first, I don't need any pity friendship. second, I don't even know how to be friends with Breve since we never had a friendly relationship in the first place - only a flirtatious one. I am imagining myself talking to him like a friend right now and it's just awkward.

so the email sits in my inbox, and every time I see his name I flinch a little. what to do....on one hand I don't want to blow him off since he's being nice, on the other hand I would rather not subject myself to torture...hmm.

oh zanzibar, oh zanzibar