coffee chat

it's been so long since I've had a real crush. the sense of giddy "can't stop thinking about it" feeling reminds me of school girls doodling names on notebooks. thanks to a side project, my office crush - let's call him Folgers since he's an all american coffee guy - and I see each other almost every day. the strange thing is that I can't completely put my finger on why I like him, yet I can totally see myself with him. in fact, the very first time we met, I was much more interested in another guy in the group and didn't give Folgers a second thought. but like i said, my favorite thing about meeting people is that in that moment, there's no way to tell what role they are going to play in your life.

I've heard people say that men and women can't be friends unless there was some initial attraction one way or the other. not sure if I completely believe that... to me, evaluating guys is a lot like shopping. there's a huge inventory that I hate and would never consider wearing, there's a small handful of items that I absolutely must have, then everything else falls into a grey area that warrants trying on.

with guys, for those that don't fall into the majority "just friends" category immediately, it takes me a while to decide where they fall. the grey area is like a no-man's land, with both parties trying to assess the situation and simultaneously wondering what the other is thinking. just this weekend I hung out with someone who has been in the grey area for a while - we get dinner and hang out alone, we play tennis, we text. after some time, he's finally fallen across the threshold into the friend zone since he's not quite compelling enough (pros: tall, works at a cool start up. cons: pale, not funny). I'm not sure whether he's placed me in a category yet, so now I'm walking on eggshells trying to be his friend, but worried that I'm leading him on.

all this to say - it might be a similarly long journey before I can see where Folgers falls despite my gut wanting to put him into the "absolutely must have" category. so far - pros: manly, great sense of humor, smells nice, hardworking; cons: not thaat cute.  for a girl who lacks patience, it's going to be difficult to play this right.

chai heart coffee