breve gave me the dignity of telling me in person that it wasn't working. and I agreed - I agreed that things had been rocky (when he tells you he filed your one-liner email into his "to do when i get back from vacation" folder, you know something's up), I agreed that he wanted more (too much) space, I agreed when he said he didn't see it going long-term and didn't want to waste my time, and I even agreed when he said he felt like if we tried to put band-aids on the relationship he would probably end up "using" me (mmm...guilty). I knew all this, so why didn't I say it first? why didn't I pull the trigger? and if I had, would I still be feeling so crappy?
the worst part about being dumped in a non-defined relationship is the doubt that's left. questions that you shouldn't be asking yourself but you do anyway, like - did he actually care about me? how much of it was "real"? did I do something wrong? could I have done something differently? am I crazy????
i'm amazed at how difficult it is to find two people so compatible that they want to spend even part of their lives together. when you start a relationship without the benefit of mutual friends or a prior friendship, it's really hard to care about someone else's problems. just like with new friends, in new relationships, it's easy to get along when you know someone at the surface level and all that matters is having fun. after a few months you start living the stressors in each other's lives, and you have to decide if you care enough to take on that burden.
so here we are - strangers again, our lives now not so different from when we met at that start up party. how interesting that someone can step into your life and get to know so much about you - your happiness, your quirks, your setbacks - as your lives revolve around each other...and then in the next moment you don't know if you'll ever see that person again. what a strange and empty feeling.
but even more mysterious is the feeling I get when I meet someone for the first time - not knowing in that instant how our lives will be intertwined - if we will be friends, lovers, or just people who never see each other again.
strangers again, by Wong Fu Productions
