ravished...or ravaged?

I realized two things last night: 

1. my tolerance for a sexless life is four months.
2. I do in fact have cougar tendencies, and it's not worth trying to fight them. 

these realizations came about after an extremely awesome set at Bootie SF (gangnam style + harlem shake mashup ftw), where I met a boy who I mistakenly thought was named Sean John. when I turned and saw those blue eyes, I honed in on him like a tracker missile. who cares that my roommate thought he was 18? turns out he was only 5 years younger than me - not so bad after all (though it IS the youngest I've ever dared to venture). 

there are a few downsides to immaturity though. first, he pulled the classic "let me show you my amazing roof and sweep you off your feet with a moonlit kiss" act - I'm sure countless women have seen that very underwhelming roof of his. and second, his bedroom technique was pretty unrefined (hence the title of this post). I did however, um, recommend this book to him, so at least he had that going for him. 

all in all, even though he wasn't particularly tall or buff, I'd say I got a pretty good catch for a one night stand. those bright blue eyes against tan skin and messy brown hair.... might just make me a repeat offender. see you in four months, Sean John.

hiatus over.

yes, it's been over a year since my last post, but chai is coming back with a vengeance. (and also switching over to tumblr...until that's all set up I'll be dual-posting, but update your bookmarks!)

so where was I for the last year? let's just say I was preoccupied with some personal projects that didn't go anywhere...but also dating a great guy who just didn't end up being the one. no need for a recap, but I do think he deserves a chai name for dating me the better part of a year - I'll call him VF (venti frap) after his go-to at starbucks.

moving forward. in the last 4 days, I have been on 3 dates. 1 okcupid, 2 coffee meets bagel. there are lots of things to love about the bay area: great weather, great technology, great guys. on paper they were all very impressive, engineers and doctors from great schools doing awesome things.

but in person...

date 1: first impression: cute, tall, put together - yes this could be my type. the date went well and two hours flew by...but by the end it was clear we were in the friend zone - and luckily we were both on the same page. facebook friendship accepted. 

date 2: first impression: way scrawnier than his photo, possibly gay?? even though I felt zero chemistry, he was very interesting and the food was really good. unfortunately, he did not pay. nor did he pour water for me, only for himself. really, you can tell a lot from the small things. our date ended with an extremely awkward cheek-touching hug and I haven’t responded to his email about meeting up again.  

date 3: first impression: oh no, he crosses his legs like a girl. if the last guy was zero chemistry, this guy was a flat line. this doctor could save lives but couldn't revive the conversation. after about an hour of boredom I blamed "work" for cutting things short. he asked if I "am in the area often?" and I said "nope. bye!"

so far, online dating has made me feel like a terrible person. these guys are great!.. for someone else. i'm not sure whether to give up or switch over to the big guns...aka match.com.

bad habits

oh boy i've hit that time of night - facebook stalking all the old flames. must...move...away...from...computer. better than drunk texting at least?

i wonder if the feminists would approve

finally, broke the dry spell. charlie chaplin and I met up briefly a few weeks ago, and again this past weekend. now that I've gotten to know him a little better, he really reminds me of the naked man - specifically, the old money part. normally, I go for your stereotypical tall, dark, and handsome over blonde hair, blue eyed with expensive hobbies and dozens of sperrys, but I do seem to have a slight new englander kick going on.

the interesting thing about this now is that I actually would like to be in a friends with benefits relationship. yes, I know I deserve a slap (or many) for all the previous whining, but I actually think this is what I want -- at least until I reach a very important January milestone. I can't split my attention dating, but who wouldn't have some good ol fashioned fun? 

now I have an interesting dilemma, one I've never had before. how do I communicate that I am ONLY looking for fwb? guys seem to be scared off whenever the subject of "hanging out" comes up, because they think that they are going to get suckered into a relationship, and charlie chaplin is no different. I'm very tempted at this moment, mid-gchat conversation to say - "hey, I have a proposal. wanna be fwb? when I say hang out I really mean hook up." 

I never saw justin timberlake's movie, and I'm thinking that maybe I need to. 

digital dating...?

hm. this is going to sound a little weird but just take it as an indication that we really do live in a digital age... I can't figure out - am I "dating" charlie chaplin?

no, I haven't seen him since halloween, and we still refer to our friends at that party by their costumes when we talk to each other ("I'm going to mexico with matt, the stop sign") but he texts me regularly and calls me 'darling' on gchat. he sends me random emails and asked me to escort him to a restaurant opening last week. and even though we're friends on facebook, I know next to nothing about him - not to mention that I still have my doubts about his sexuality. what is going on?  I'm responding to him because he is a constant source of entertainment, but it feels a little strange. at the end of the day we are really just strangers, and I'm not gen Y enough to be in a virtual relationship.

I'm sure one of these days I will see him again face to face. at that point I think one of two things will happen:

1. we will be drunk and I will go home with him  
2. we will be sober and I will realize he's not straight.  haha. 

in fact, next weekend seems like the perfect opportunity to sort this all out.  I'm hosting a get together at a swanky SOMA bar, and it should be a low pressure event where I won't have to give him my full attention.  but it will also mean that a lot of worlds will be colliding -- aka past flames and hot joes in one room...oh i forgot, story of my life.

the original was a man of few words...mine is a man of few appearances

joke of the day

breaking news. apparently today's joke from charlie chaplin is:  why don't nuns wear bras?

when is this corny harrassment going to end?

coffee prophecy

halloween weekend came and went with plenty of alcohol and crazy homemade costumes, but not much to report on the boy front - except that I met a very tall, dapper, secret-weapon concealing charlie chaplin with a questionable sexuality.  he has been texting me bad jokes all week like "the skeleton wanted to go to the party but had no BODY to go with" and "what do you call a cow in an earthquake?"  I'm starting to think that my suspicions are confirmed.

in other news, the coffee prophecy came true. Folgers and I finally broke the tension in an off-work rendezvous. it was actually one of those situations where imagined that I wanted something to happen before it did, but when the moment came I realized I didn't REALLY want anything to happen, so it was all quite awkward and rude.  I also found out he is the third adopted guy that I have hung out with this year...I swear there must be something about adopted guys having weird insecurities...

anyways, now the witty banter has completely died between me and Folgers.  isn't it funny how once you attain the unattainable, it loses all of its allure?

but don't worry, I have a new crush, and as always, I think he is nicer than the last. we've gone out for a few drinks but I'm not ready to let my guard down.  after all, I'd rather keep the allure going for as long as possible. oh, and did I mention he lives in Seattle? it's like a built-in firewall for bad decisions.

sizzle? more like fizzle.

tabula rasa

i'm proud to say: no more douchebags in the vicinity.

it feels weird.

recon, baby.

FINALLY some excitement and gossip to brighten up the week!  I had my friend do some recon at work and got the full scoop out of Folgers about how he feels about me.  I know in my last post I had said he was incredibly obnoxious and immature, but apparently there is a method to his madness.....

I have been wondering for a while whether there was something there or if it was purely one sided. usually I can get a pretty good read on guys, but with him it's mixed messages all around.  last week we actually spent some time in a really romantic spot overlooking the gorgeous SF skyline and golden gate bridge from treasure island - but it wasn't romantic AT ALL.  he was talking about past relationships and telling me things that were completely TMI - definitely not things you would tell a girl you were interested in.  

this week, people at work started calling us out - Folgers' male manager apparently made a really inappropriate joke about me today...groan.  but luckily with people talking, it gave my friend the perfect excuse to poke and prod, and she found out that: 

he thinks I am "hot, smart, and fun, everything he is looking for", BUT he "doesn't want anything serious, and being in a casual relationship with a co-worker would be messy". also, he was "horny and wanted to make a move at treasure island because the timing seemed perfect", but he apparently has turned over some new leaf where he is able to exercise self control blah blah blah. so him talking to me constantly about other girls - like how he just slept with an ex before he moved here, or about how this girl is likely to jump his bones this weekend - is his way of sabotaging himself into making me not want to date him. wtf?! 

this brings me to the big question that I always end up with: why do I always get the guys who don't want to be serious?  I know all guys are commitment phobes and it's true that I often end up with cocky assholes (Folgers is one of the nicer ones), but this has happened enough times that I'm definitely starting to think it's me.  

one hunch - I'm too independent.  I have a friend who plays the "damsel in distress" card and she finds herself dating multiple men at her beck and call who would happily commit themselves...so she just lets them drag along and do her bidding... 

another hunch - it's unfortunate when guys put you into the "hot" bucket over the cute, pretty, or beautiful bucket.  hot just means they want to objectify and violate you.  the other buckets are much more likely to yield some respect.  

other than that, I'm out of ideas.  I don't think I've given off any "come hither" vibes - if anything I've been sending off mixed signals left and right because one day I think he's an adorable goofball, the next day I think he's an obnoxious pervert. still, I think it's only a matter of time before something happens...I've never been very good at fighting off attraction...

seems that the underlying proposal is always the same

pinching myself

I just got back from Africa. no, actually I got back over a week ago, but I think I've been in denial. it's been hard reconciling this reality with that reality, knowing that both exist.

contributing to the sense of fantasy: one romantic night spent walking the beaches of Zanzibar, one of the most gorgeous places in the world. throw a really cute Zanzibarian boy into the mix...how surreal it is to be walking under the moonlight, holding hands with a stranger, wishing that this night could last a little longer knowing that we might not get tomorrow...

after we parted I thought about how simple life could be. this boy thought in the short hours that he knew me, that I was the one he had been waiting for, said he would miss me dearly and that age was just a number (he was two years younger...seeing a trend?) - to me he was nothing more than an exciting twist to my vacation. more than once I've thought about sending him a letter, but I don't think I could handle merging reality with fantasy.

and yes, reality is finally setting in.

reality check #1: the Folgers verdict has unfolded more quickly than I expected.  add to that list of Cons: foot-in-mouth syndrome, obnoxious and immature once he gets to know you, smokes, and probably has ADD. neeext.

reality check #2: admist the zillions of daily coupon emails, I found this little gem from Breve today: "i was serious about wanting to stay friends, do you want to get lunch?" first, I don't need any pity friendship. second, I don't even know how to be friends with Breve since we never had a friendly relationship in the first place - only a flirtatious one. I am imagining myself talking to him like a friend right now and it's just awkward.

so the email sits in my inbox, and every time I see his name I flinch a little. what to do....on one hand I don't want to blow him off since he's being nice, on the other hand I would rather not subject myself to torture...hmm.

oh zanzibar, oh zanzibar