a week of potential non-boyfriends

last week was kindaaa an exciting week.  I felt a spark with not one, not two, but three new boys - either in conversation or on the dance floor. unfortunately, they all fell into the PNB (potential non-boyfriend) category, for various reasons:

PNB #1:  Met on Friday at a start up party. cute, tall, engineer...and 3 years my junior. called me the next day and asked me to dinner, but also called me a puma at some point in the conversation.

PNB #2: Met on Tuesday in the laundry room - a new neighbor, that is. there's undeniable chemistry between us, and I'm impressed by his artistic talents and sense of humor. but then there's also the kid he had out of wedlock who lives somewhere on the east coast...

PNB #3: Met on Thursday at an alumni networking event. Aerospace engineer, currently in business school...with a couple months of legit modeling on the side. Perfect, you say? Yes, he is. and that's exactly why he's a PNB. in the few hours we were standing in that corner chatting away, i noticed the dirty glares of many girls who were waiting their turn (which never came ;). any guy who has girls chasing after him at a networking event would make an awful boyfriend...not to mention he had a severe case of wanderlust. 

aaand I think I just meet PNB #4...over the phone. I had a "phone date" with someone from OK Cupid tonight. I really thought his voice would be deeper, but he turned out sounding like one of my friends who I feel absolutely no attraction to whatsoever...

well, I still have hope that I'll be blogging about PBs soon enough...

i might think twice about carrying this bag around...at least to start-up parties

in the dataset

i find this incredibly interesting: oktrends' new blog post, 10 charts about sex.  quite hilarious, and even more interesting now that I'm on OkCupid and officially represented by those dots.

the line graph under Chart 2 is insightful in a disturbing way, but Chart 9 is my favorite. just ask a potential beau where he went to school and you'll know how many times a week you gotta romp in the sheets to make him happy. good stuff.

worst online dating messages, volume 1

It's been just about a month since I started my adventure in the online dating world.  as expected, the quality of men has not been great since okcupid is equally accessible to everyone (aka free).  I haven't had much time to actively seek out my soul mate, but I have received a number of messages which have provided for quality entertainment these last few weeks.

so for your reading pleasure, I present a sampling of the worst okcupid messages I've received to date.

MARCH 20: trying too hard to match my interests.  ALL of them. 

So you an expert on flute, but not one on memory? It happens... so what type of business do you do?

[chaitea: wtf?! talk about non sequitur]

Like you, I am here to meet new people and see where it can go. I do P90x, so that counts for active doesn't it? But right, I'm resting after a night of P90x, so that's vegging. I don't play tennis well, but I have a racket and can play with you if needed. It's up to you to determine if I'm nerdy enough, funny, and interesting as it's all subjective.

[chaitea: in my profile I say I want to meet someone with an active lifestyle (bonus points for tennis) who also knows how to veg out.  even if you didn't know that this message is awkward as shit]

MARCH 28: just plain freaking creepy
I'd like to make you laugh so I could hear you.

APRIL 8: taking the joke a liiittle too far 

I like suns too. Although I keep my distance. One time a sun tried to hug me, but not wanting to burst into flames I told it to stay away. Our relationship has been strained ever since. I hope you don't get BURNED as I have. (Sorry, couldn't resist :-/)
[chaitea: you really should have]

the good news is, yes I have been on a date from this thing, and it went fine.  the guy was normal, the date was normal, the chemistry level was... normal.  the only thing I gained was a new dealbreaker: just say no to the male cartilage piercing.

maybe I should just dump online dating and meet guys at sports basement instead.

can't wait to read the hilarity that comes in next

benchmarking

today's topic of debate: "what qualifies as a slut?"

clearly, a bit of benchmarking is in order to understand when you surpass the "average" number of partners and start crossing the line into slut-dom.

one quick google search later, I've got articles, research papers, and some sex institute all offering up their definition of what's slutty. and then I found this nifty little invention: the Average Number Of Sexual Partners Calculator. lol. well, better to know sooner rather than later, that's for sure - and if you're too lazy to calculate, the average number of partners for US women is 6.6.

but really...is it just me or does that number seem incredibly low? the calculator doesn't account for city, and I would bet that the average is way higher in San Francisco, which consistently ranks within the top 10 of "best cities for singles". clearly all those small hick towns where people marry their high school sweethearts are lowering the bar for everyone else's slut criteria. and I'm not the only one who thinks the academic research is confounded, these other 20-somethings also beg to differ.

the irony of revenge

aside from my family, there are three people who made me who I am today.

there was lilac, my best friend in elementary and junior high who broke me out of my shy-girl shell. i followed as she ran around barefoot on the hot summer cement, went skinny dipping in the neighbor's pool, and chased boys (literally) at recess.

there was jasper, the first guy who really crushed me and taught me that romance has a lot more shades of grey than what existed in my naive spectrum. after that I decided to spare myself the pain and remove the emotional from physical, and take a kiss as a kiss knowing that tomorrow it would be nothing more than that.

and then there was earl grey. let's just say that chai tea is to earl grey as carrie is to big. i learned that "making love" and "having sex" are in fact not synonyms - but after our relationship ran its course, i reverted back to my post-jasper self.

it's been a while, but I saw jasper yesterday. we ended up dancing together for old times sake, then losing our friends and walking to his place to call a cab. all the while I was thinking to myself how odd it was that I am no longer attracted to this person who once had so much power over me, and how obvious all the reasons are that we weren't right before. yet all the while I still let him make excuses for not calling a cab...until this morning.

i'm sure it was no more than alcohol mixed with bad judgment, but perhaps in some twisted way it was like my revenge.  like saying: look at what you've made me, you can't hurt me anymore...though what I gave up was a lot more than I should have for the objective of revenge. so as I grabbed my things and bolted out the door this morning, I hoped with all my heart he was chilled - hurt, even - by my obvious detachment.

at this point I know you're thinking I'm an idiot. I know I'm not doing myself or womankind any favors by adopting the non-committal carefree male mindset - in fact, it's actions like mine that encourage guys to continue their playing ways. even I am shocked at how the false sense of comfort of lying in jasper's arms didn't faze me at all, when usually around 7am my conscience would start kicking my ass.

with the bittersweet taste of revenge on my tongue, i know that i need to get a new cup of earl grey asap.

romance...now a faded memory

looks really can be deceiving

MY looks, apparently. through online dating it's come to my attention that people have trouble translating the 2D version of me into 3D. my first clue was when a friend of a friend messaged me as though I was a stranger. i didn't think anything of it because I can't even remember if we were formally introduced, but then a few more awkward encounters confirmed my suspicions...

Case 1 - makeout fanatic 
on OKCupid I noticed that a dashing young man had viewed my profile, and naturally returned the favor by checking him out. that night, I head to Pour House on Polk to meet some friends.  the moment i walk in, I notice that the same dude I saw online is literally sitting across the horseshoe-shaped table from me, madly making out with some girl that I assume he was on an OKCupid date with.  arms on legs, mouth on mouth.. i mean, loads of PDA. at one point when he came up for air, there was a brief moment of eye contact, and what I assumed to be a look of awkward recognition.

next day in my inbox there is a message from mr. makeout: "you mentioned you like to go out on Polk in your profile - I wonder if I've seen you before? Where do you like to go?"

are you serious?! so I respond: "Pour House on Friday nights at 11pm, and I sit at the U-shaped table right by the window. On an unrelated note, don't you hate it when people make out in public?"

just kidding...I decided to spare him the embarrassment in case I ever see him again.

Case 2 - tennis fanatic
i received an extremely long message from someone with a blank profile - no info, no pics.  the message got pretty personal about why he thought we were a good match and what he was looking for in his life. he sounded like a decent, though boring, individual, so when I saw the facebook link he included for photos, I obliged.  imagine my surprise to see a friend from school who i had hung out with several times, and had even strung my tennis racket for me.  now imagine the awkward conversation that followed...yea.

so in a quest to make the 3D version of me reconcile in 2D, I asked my mom to help me choose my profile pictures. i showed her loads of photogenic contenders, and to each picture she said "doesn't look like you because... your chin is too pointy, you look like angelina jolie (!?!?!), your head is tilted in a way you don't usually tilt your head....."   

Fine. so be it.  i guess the boys will just be in for a surprise. 

if this were my profile picture it would be more understandable...

in no particular order

blogs are entitled to random posts. here are my top 3 guy turn offs:

• guys who own cats 
• guys who wear black wife beaters (shudder) 
• guys who self proclaim: i'm really funny / i have a sarcastic sense of humor / i can make you laugh - in a message that's completely unhilarious

great, now those are probably the things i'll be dreaming about...goodnight!

mad libs: online dating edition

on day 1 of being on Ok Cupid, I got 2 messages which were strangely similar - to the point where it made me wonder if there was some sort of online dating "template", for these poor schmucks to fill in the blanks.

take a look:

bizarre? naturally i put my googling skills to work and of course, none other than the blog for VH1's the Pickup Artist has a template for an online message which supposedly has an "80% open rate". yea I opened it alright. i even blogged about it, congrats!

seriously, why do so many guys believe in the pickup artist like he's some dating fairy godmother or something??

(don't) show them the goods

I know I've mostly been posting "academia" lately (what, the boob study doesn't count?) but it's been easier to comment on other people's content than write my own in the time I have lately.  

more personal dating stuff to come, but in the meantime there is one more article i'd like to share about why Sex Is Cheap, which shares the common theme of: 

men can't seem to grow up properly in contemporary society, while women try to magnify their feminist side by pretending casual sex means nothing to them, thereby creating a vicious cycle of men taking advantage, women feeling like shit but not admitting it, blah blah blah.

we all know this. what we don't know is what we can do to rectify the situation. so here are some creative (nerdy) solutions contributed by dragonwell* to make the world a better place for the committing folks out there. 

1. Unionize - Women should form unions so that they have more bargaining power. It works for teachers, and it's left the entire country powerless to fight. Of course, this means union women will have to strong-arm non-union women to ensure their market dominance. This could lead to some potential increases in GDP if female strong-arming became a spectator sport that was conducted in kiddie pools of KY jelly.
2. Cocktease 101 - Educate women on how to handle men so that they are continually trying to impress women through self-improvement. If women are empowered, they can exercise restraint better in order to keep the price of sex high. 
3. Crack down on black markets - (Not in the ebony sense.) Black markets arise when artificial market forces such as regulation are employed (e.g. black markets for drugs and guns). Slutty black markets can arise as well, so similar measures should be taken through use of tools such as S.A.R.E. (Sex Abuse Resistance Education) and media (e.g. "this is your brain, this is your brain on sex")
4. Chastity Belts - They were employed with some success to limit both intercourse and self pleasuring. This might effectively impose a tariff on sexual activity. 

there you have it - the recipe for a modern day women's movement. 

take it from me - don't google-image chastity belt if you don't have to.

*name was selected by guest blogger himself, i swear. 

is this for real??

Wow.  my first 3 thoughts while reading this article / watching this video clip:

1. sucks for the 250 men who had to refrain from looking at breasts for FIVE YEARS. 
2. did researchers really use the word "ogle" in their very scientific study? what exactly counts as ogling (the dramatic sunglass tilt as the girl walks by or this perhaps)? 
3. how did they get the women in the video to consent to straight up boob shots...

as though men need more encouragement to act on their primal instincts.  thank god it's coming from fox and not some respectable news channel.

Study: Staring at breasts increases heart health: MyFoxBOSTON.com