earl grey in the morning

10 hours after my last post. 

in my compartmentalized mind, the door to earl grey's sphere cracks open every once in a while. through it I see the beautiful memories I remembered last night, neat and glittering. open the door wider and I start seeing the dust, the darkness, and the furniture falling apart. it's always when I wake that I know we are where we are for the right reasons, that we aren't carrie and big, and that I'll never be brave enough or irresponsible enough to tell him what I think of us when I'm the most vulnerable.